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Brown’s Close: Wedding Edition
Labor Day weekend closes out the traditional wedding season. With that, this column is dedicated to a recent wedding I attended as a friend’s guest. My friend, Frank, is not known for punctuality. On the contrary, in lieu of the standard sentiment, “Safe travels!” expressed in advance of a journey, I always instead text him…
Brown’s Close Reviews Sam Hunt
My fiancé, Matt, and I went to the Alaska Airlines Center for Sam Hunt’s July concert, the first concert to take place at the venue in three years. Matt and I got dressed up in our country best (jeans and flannel), and drove over to the venue. The Alaska Airlines Center had a somewhat slow…
Brown’s Close Encounter
My friend and I took advantage of the federal Juneteenth holiday for an overnight trip to Girdwood. I had never been to the Sitzmark Bar and Grill before, and thus that featured high on a list of potential activities. Saturday night, we entered. A small woman with short gray hair in her late sixties was…
Middle School Blues
[See Original Post here] For the last several years, I’ve volunteered with a financial literacy organization in a variety of capacities, including as a fifth-grade teacher. This month, I reentered the classroom for the first time since the COVID-19 pandemic to teach sixth grade. All the volunteer teachers for that day met in the morning for coffee…
Brown’s Close Call
[See original post here] It’s January, which means the dark, yet unseasonably warm, weather has us dreaming of summertime. In our nostalgia, let’s consider a fond memory from summer 2021. Some friends and I went to Hidden Lake Campground along Skilak Lake Road. Per Alaska.org, Skilak Lake and the surrounding areas are known as “the…
2021 Year in Review
[See original post here] In some respects 2021 was a great improvement over 2020. People were rarely locked at home. Travel resumed. Vaccines and toilet paper were plentiful. In other ways, however, 2021 was disappointingly similar to 2020. Fights broke out in public places over sundry items. The Rockettes again cancelled their Christmas spectacular. One man was…
A Crowd Pleasing List of Thanksgiving Dinner Topics
[See original post here] No family gathering is complete without at least three political discussions so passionate they clear the room. To aid you at your forthcoming Thanksgiving feast, here is a proposed list of timely dinner topics, sure to make your evening a night to remember. Masks.Vaccines.Inflation? Yay or nay?Does Joe Biden sniff women? Or…
Squatting in Graveyards
[See original post here] In honor of Halloween, this column will be dedicated to my dad, and his most favorite hobby of all time – standing in graveyards looking at headstones. Like many Americans, my dad is interested in genealogy. His storied family ancestry dates back to Oliver Cromwell, the Mayflower, and the Revolutionary War.…
Backpacking, and Other Burdens: Part 2
[See original post here] Previously, on “Brown’s Close…” The pain in my ankle was sharp. The only sounds I could make were a shriek, and a pitiful, “Oh no.” This was it. My worst fear. I’d have to be taken off the trail by helicopter like the poor woman we were previously warned about. My name would…
Backpacking, and Other Burdens Part 1
[See original post here] My friend took me on my first overnight backpacking trip last month. Via the Crow Pass trail, we were due to leave Girdwood early in the morning on Saturday and arrive at the Eagle River Nature Center parking lot late Sunday afternoon. I looked forward to this trip for months. I…
A Study in Horse Racing
[See Original Post here] In honor of the upcoming Independence Day holiday, and as part of America’s newfound freedom from COVID-19, I went to Louisville, Kentucky, and met up with a longtime friend who lives on the East Coast. We spent a day at the racetrack at Churchill Downs on one of the last days of…
Road Rage, Or Why All Other Drivers Should Be Annihilated
[See Original Post here] My name is Sarah, and I suffer from road rage. You’d think living in a state with relatively little traffic, like Alaska, would have cured me of this illness. Alaska has nothing but wide-open spaces, but even this, unfortunately, has not calmed me. If anything, it may be making my road rage…
A Love Letter to Airplanes
[See Original Post here] Long standing readers of this column will recall there was a time when I was a frequent flyer and bona fide road warrior. Since February 2020, however, I largely stopped traveling due to the obvious complexities presented by a global pandemic. I spent a year without voluntarily giving up my civil liberties…
COVID Year in Review
[See original post here] March marks a full year that COVID-19 has moderately to significantly impacted my life. Rather than a “Calendar Year in Review” in December, I am opting for a “COVID Year in Review” in March. March: Anchorage is introduced to former Mayor Ethan Berkowitz’s “hunker down” order which, as summarized by Andrew Jensen, is “a…
Was Socrates a Skier?
[See original post here] This COVID winter, all of my usual activities were indefinitely postponed. Typically, I spend the cold months indoors with friends. We go to events around town, the movies, and last winter got into a memorable altercation in a local wine bar with a woman who threw our coats on the floor. Faced…
2020 Redux
[See original post here] It’s the end of January. I gave it some time. I, like my 7.8 billion fellow Earthlings, looked forward to 2021 with good spirits. With the turn of the calendar, we all could usher out the most outlandish year in modern history. There’s an old Yiddish saying. It goes, “Man Plans, and…
A Year in Cuffing Season
[See original post here] I first heard about “Cuffing Season” a few years ago from a friend. She described it as the period during the year when singles hysterically couple because they don’t want to be alone for the holidays. Originally, I accepted this; after all, everyone wants a date for New Year’s Eve. On Halloween…
A Modest List of Things to be Thankful for in 2020
[See original post here] Off the top of my head, a list of catastrophes that have occurred in 2020 include: Global pandemics;Wildfires in Australia, California, Washington, and Oregon;Tornadoes in the Southern United States. These also struck roughly one month after COVID-19, which frightened everyone away from the designated tornado shelters;An invasion of murder hornets;A jet…
Unmasking Halloween
[See original post here] As with every other extracurricular activity during the COVID-19 pandemic, Halloween will assuredly be dampened this year. I am not the first person to note the irony; Halloween is a holiday based entirely on the idea that everyone should wear a mask. Will Anchorage’s new mayor issue a municipal wide ban on…
Birthday Battle Royale
“Quidditch” by John-Morgan is licensed under CC BY 2.0 [See original post here] Back at a time in the distant past of October 2019, my friend’s son turned eight. He and I share a special bond; I once spent an afternoon helping him fold paper airplanes. At his instruction, I then threw said airplanes at him; he wanted to practice his…
Love in the Time of Corona
“‘i saw you on tinder’ Trastevere 2014” by Ithmus is licensed under CC BY 2.0 [See original post here] Dating behavior has changed due to the coronavirus. Singles are now encouraged to pursue socially distanced dating, be that virtually, or through wholesome, six foot spaced walks. This phenomenon has been a boon to online dating platforms. Bumble, the dating app…
Canceling Summer
As we look forward to what promises to be an unusual back-to-school season, we can reflect on what was certainly a unique summer. 2020 proved the summer of canceling, and on both sides of the political aisle. In May, Mat-Su School District attempted (unsuccessfully) to cancel The Great Gatsby, I know Why the Caged Bird Sings,…
Groundhog Days
[See original post here] There is a Facebook prompt going around that brought me a welcome respite from the otherwise angry political, mask, and/or election messages. “Can you describe your favorite movie in as boring a way as possible?” Responses were admirable: “A group of short men spend a long time walking. They end up throwing…
For the Love of Kanye
[See original post here] I love Kanye West. He is my favorite celebrity. That is, I will take time out of my day to read any news story, or watch any television clip, in which he features. Given all the cumulative hours I’ve spent researching Kanye, I know a bit about him. For example: Kanye once…
Northern Exposure
[See original post here] Since the onset of the coronavirus, families have lost jobs, childcare, and all semblance of schedule. Barriers are broken, boundaries eviscerated. Days bleed into one another. Friends earnestly text each other, “Happy Friday,” and then ask whether Friday is something we still celebrate. Most of my fellow Americans have given up decorum.…
In Defense of Females Over ‘Fur Babies’
[See original post here] Unlike our forefathers, Millennials do not get married or have children. Rather, we move in with our significant others, eventually move out again, and engage in brutal custody battles over our pets. Indeed, in evaluating potential mates, Millennials skip over having human children, and jump right into establishing pet relationship history.…
The Young and the Redemption
[See Original Post here] While I was hoping the next report would be from the other side, alas, I’ve enjoyed eight full weeks of quarantine here in West Anchorage. This is largely due to my own sense of caution; the Municipality of Anchorage is well into Phase 2 of reopening. On the first day that…
2 Young 2 Restless: COVID-19 Drift
[See Original Post here] Today we view “2 Young 2 Restless: COVID-19 Drift,” the sequel to “The Young and the Restless.” In case you missed Episode One, you can catch up here, and view updates to key plot points below: As described in our first installment, I am unable to consume any television shows with even…
The Young and the Restless
[See Original Post here] Like many of my fellow residents of the Municipality of Anchorage, I am currently living under a state of quarantine, social distancing, and general loneliness. It’s been difficult, mostly resulting in me chewing on my leg out of sheer boredom. All, however, is not lost. Thus far, I have accomplished the…
Teaching, and the Darndest Things
[See Original Post here] I began volunteering with an organization that teaches financial concepts to children. Recruited by a friend I’ve known for twenty years, I trusted her judgement. “Hey! Want to help out?” she plied me over wine at Kincaid Grill. “We go into classrooms and teach kids about economics and financial literacy!” It’s…
Civic Entanglement
[See Original Post here] On an average day, I have little to no use for the public. Yet, during the first week of the new year, I was pulled into civic engagement in Anchorage. I was called for jury duty on the first Monday of 2020. I had no personal experience with jury duty before,…
The Path to Enlightenment at Okamoto’s Karate Studio
[See the Original Post here] Six months ago, I began classes in beginner’s karate at Okamoto’s Karate Studio. I was about to turn thirty, and decided now was the time to take better care of my body than I had for the last ten years. I am one of three adults in my class; the…
Merry Corporate Christmas
[See the Original post here ] We find ourselves entering a perilous time: that of the office Christmas party. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy a good party. I’ve been known for raucous housewarming parties, uncomfortable truth-telling parties, and one predictably cursed Friday the 13th party. It’s just that none of these parties take place…
Loitering in Lingerie
[See Original Post here] Why do men insist on dawdling in ladies’ lingerie departments? To me, the mark of a well-bred man is one who stays far away from these stores. This model of decorum was perfected by my parents during our family back-to-school shopping trips. Every year, my mother would choreograph an elaborate outing…
In the Throes of Air Travel
[See Original Post here] Air travel is a key component of my job description. Literally. The description reads, “Expected to travel between 30% and 50% of time.” Given how much experience I’ve had, you think I would be better at it. Wrong. It’s a production to get me on an airplane, all of the extensive…
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